my heart belongs to the King.

I dont even know how I want to start this blog post. My mind is cluttered and my heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest. The more I sit here, I think about all the good times since I have surrendered to God and I think about all the bad times. Honestly there aren't many bad times. Since I have given everything to Christ, He has blessed me so much. He is always there, and even through the bad times, He finds some way to make me smile or to make something go right. I guess this past weekend was one of those bad times. The enemy ATTACKED ME. When God uses us the most, the enemy attacks. I gave my testimony to a group of women from First Baptist Concord on Sunday. It was a total blessing, and I guess I hadn't ever told my full testimony to anyone yet. I cried, to say the least. Well this past week I just didn't spend much time with God. I would think about it, but I just wouldn't open my bible. I still can't figure out why. Maybe satan? Maybe laziness? Well, what I do know is, I was about to be attacked. 

Even though the enemy was attacking me, God was with me. He will always be with me. But God also put people in my life this past weekend to strengthen me. I wasn't alone. That is a key word right there. 

‎"Who am I, but the dust of the Most High?" We are going to mess up. We are going to do wrong and we are going to make mistakes. But our hearts belong to the King and you can rest assured that tomorrow...IT STILL WILL. You can do nothing about today but learn, so grow.

I dont know about you, but that just gave me chills. The most amazing thing in the world is the amount of grace our God has for us. The fact that HE NEVER STOPS FIGHTING. I use imagery a lot when I am referring to God or my relationship with God, it gives me a more in depth explanation of what I'm trying to say... I guess. So what I see for the phrase up there is God and Satan fighting. Not just arguing but literally going to war, and when satan is attacking me, God, my God is right there fighting for me. Never backing down. My eyes are forming tears as I type this just thinking about that picture. God fighting for me. Even though I make mistakes, even though I turn around and sin and sin again, my heart belongs to the King and I can rest assured that tomorrow, it still will.

What gets me up in the morning is the fact that I no longer have a meaningless life to live, I belong to a Father that has ravished me with His love and has showered me with His grace. The fact that I KNOW God has an incredible plan for my life. I was just talking to God the other night when I was about to go to sleep and do you ever wish or long for God to just be here with you in human form? Just once? In my hardest times I just pray and pray and I find myself getting angry with God because the only one I want comfort from is Him. What I forget is that He also longs to be with His children. But just sometimes I get angry because he isn't in human form. Well as I'm laying there getting frustrated with Him because I can't literally see him, I feel this huge presence of comfort. Does that make sense? Haha. This sounds weird I guess, but I felt him just hugging me. I was almost in shock, I didn't want to move because I didn't ever want that feeling to go away. It was just him reassuring me that He was with me. HE ALWAYS IS. Through all my trials and tribulations, struggles and problems he is strengthening me.

Every time we believe the lie that we are still who we used to be, we are acting like grace never found us.

"Thats right. Because, I, Your God have a firm grip on you, don't panic, I'm right here to help you." 

God knows my hearts true desire is to live for Him completely, I only want Him. 

my mother...saved my life.

Gosh, it's literally 1 month until I leave for my discipleship training school in Hawaii. Either this month is going to fly by, or it's going to take forever. I really don't like waiting, patience is hard to have now-a-days. God is teaching me so much in this season of waiting and healing, it's so hard being here! Not only is it hard, but honestly I don't like it here. Of course I love my family and friends, but it's so frustrating... I want everything about Jesus every single day and being here is hard to focus on Jesus. Working in a restaurant is so discouraging, don't get me wrong I love my work but it's a hard environment to be in when I have just come out of a life of drinking, partying and doing everything BUT knowing Jesus. I can't believe how far God has brought me since just August!!! I guess some of you might not know my story very well so just to fill you in I got ravished by the love of Jesus around 4 or 5 months ago. For so long Satan controlled my mind, made me think things that weren't true, and took so many years away from me. Years where I was rebelling, drinking, partying, ignoring my family, and most of all being as distant from God as possible..... My life got SO bad that I just cried out to God. He had been chasing me, and waiting for me, and finally I gave in. And He said, "Enough is enough daughter, You are mine, I will never leave you, I love you."

Will Reagan (From Love War) just released his new CD Endless Years. If you don't have it, get it.....Now. It has changed my life. Well one of the songs in this CD is called Take Back, one part of this song says "We're gonna take back, all the enemy has stolen." When it comes to my relationship with Christ, I'm like a little kid on Christmas. I am so excited and amazed at everything God is doing to me. The line in that song literally gave me a revelation when I heard it. Everything Satan took from me for so long, I have gained back through Jesus Christ. I am defeating Satan. I don't know about you, but that makes me wanna tell everybody. 

Through the period of time when I was distant from God and my family, my mom was always there. If you don't know my mom..... YOU NEED TO. She is hilarious, beautiful, but most of all joyful. Her joy, laughter, and beauty literally shines off of her. She just has this natural essence about her that makes a person WANT to know her. She will make a friend to any stranger..... when I mean any stranger, I mean every person she has the chance to talk to. Anyways, my mom and I have always been really close. My mom named me Grace meaning "God's Gift" because she had 2 miscarriages before she had me. She calls me her FB....her FIRST BORN. Yes, I know what you are thinking. *Haha*

She always knew when something was wrong, I guess that's a mom thing but this is different. She knew when something really bad was going on. This is important. THIS is what saved my life. Not only did my mom know when something bad was happening, or when I was drinking too much, or when I was doing something bad.... She knew exactly what to pray for, and exactly how to pray. And let me just tell ya something, my mother is a PRAYER WARRIOR. Her prayer is what saved my life. She kept on praying. 

She. Never. Stopped. I don't think I have thanked her enough, and I don't know if she realizes that God used her to create a miracle. 

I never understood the power of prayer until I understood how long and how hard my mother prayed for a miracle to happen to me. I didn't know how much strength I had until I came to Jesus and found strength through Him to get me out of the life I was living. 

That's so powerful. I am forever grateful. Not only did I become happy, but I now have a love for Jesus that can never be taken from me, I have a family that is getting restored, and most of all I have made my mother one of the happiest people in the world. And THAT my friends, is what it's all about!