broken.

Well, its been quite a while since I have blogged last, and I must say, I miss it. Over the past 2 years so much has happened, so much has changed, and its all gone by so fast. Our culture is so future oriented, already setting up decorations for Christmas (which isn't bad at all!) or talking about things that will happen in 2020, its easy to think ahead, wonder about whats next, worry about the unknown. I want to be someone to keep dreaming while remembering to remain in the present, knowing that I can't control what will happen but I can trust the one who is paving the way. Its hard to do nowadays. There is this pressure that we need to know what to do, when Jesus is simply saying to each person individually, "follow me, its a unique and specific journey that I have just for you".


The past couple months have been rough with the transition of getting back from Nepal, summer vacations and trips, and then getting settled back into Knoxville after being gone for 2 years - its been overwhelming. Its so easy to lose sight of why the Lord has us exactly where we are, but He always reminds us of who He is. He is a God that leads and guides - a God full of promises - a God who is so detailed that He wouldn't bring us somewhere to just leave us dry - a God who won't leave us all alone - a God who won't let us walk a road alone - His love is every moment of every day, a l w a y s. 


Last night as I was driving home I was listening to a song called This Love by Housefires ll, I had heard the song before, but this time I listened to it was different. It was like I felt the Lord singing it over me - singing about His love for me every moment of the day, so simple! His love doesn't change according to our feelings. Every single day this love is the only perfect love that will keep relentlessly pursuing no matter how much we hurt, no matter what we do, no matter how much we push it away. It literally doesn't make sense! Each time He reminds me of His love I ask why, though I know I will never fully understand it. He is way bigger than any box we put Him in, and He is so gentle at reminding us. He takes us in, and He lifts us up. 

Psalm 73:25-26

 "Whom have I in heaven but you? 

And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail,

 but God is the strength of my heart 

and my portion forever."

He isn't afraid of the place that we are at. He isn't afraid of what the enemy might try to throw at us. He isn't worried about what our past looked like - or about what lies ahead. Its simple. His love is real, and His love is for us. 

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end - Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." 

Isaiah  43:1-4

Even when we feel like we are a mess, when we feel like we are running in circles, 

He has a bigger and better plan - trust that He knows what He is doing. 

He makes all things new, and all things beautiful. 

the great shepherd.

I was looking through my journal today flipping through pages of the past couple months, reminiscing on how faithful the Lord has been, remembering all the things He has taught me….I found quite a few common themes, but the one that stuck out the most is one that is so relevant to the season I am in right now. I find myself saying "Abba, lead me and I will follow, guide me and show me the way." Philippians 3 has been my desperate heart cry.

Psalm 23

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 

    

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

 

    

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

   

 for his name's sake.

 

Even though I walk through the valley 

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil

   

for you are with me;

 

 

  your rod and your staff,

    

they comfort me.

 

You prepare a table before me

 

 

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

    

my cup overflows.

 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

    

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever."

   

Shepherd. He is the great Shepherd. I look to Him for satisfaction and fulfillment. I look to Him for all that I need. He RESTORES my soul. Its so easy to think we can try to do it in our own strength, but He is always just there saying, "Look to Me, come to Me, focus on Me, its so much harder doing it on your own, trust Me." 

John 15:4 says, "Abide in Me, and I in you.

 As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, 

unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you,

 unless you abide in Me." 

The word ABIDE  means to remain. 

Ive been asking Abba what it looks like to remain in Him. 

He deserves so much more! He DESERVES so much more.

What does it look like to embrace Him? To receive all that He has? 

To love Him in the way He deserves? To abide in Him? 

What does it look like to give all that we have just to KNOW Him?

What if all it took was surrendering ourselves and giving Him time everyday?

He gives everlasting love, never-ending joy, FREEDOM, the FULLNESS of life...

Is He worth it to you? 

Im broken and running - seeking the one I love

I am desperate to be in the garden of my beloved - 

Looking to the violent love You offer,

I just want to know you - I long for you.

Your the only one that brings me peace.

Ill keep singing HALLELUJAH.

 

he restores my soul.

value     praise    WORTHINESS    glory    blessing    t h a n k s g i v i n g    majesty 

                 

  ….belongs to the King, the only one that is found worthy. 

Show me the DEEP DEEP layers of glory and praise that you,

 O Majesty, deserve. 

THE radiance of your divine BEAUTY 

has captured my gaze.

Staffing this DTS has been so busy and stretching but so incredible. Im constantly in awe of the strength, grace, and faithfulness Abba continually pours out. Living in a community of people all earnestly thirsting for more of God is so encouraging and refreshing. Getting poured into by others and also being able to pour out… He is faithful forever - caring and kind - loving and forgiving - He is a home for people without one, a safe place for people who are scared. He is a never ending ladder of hope. His anger lasts only a second but His love overwhelms. He is so good!! 

because I am made in the image of my maker, my spirit is lead by Him. because I am His beloved little girl He takes away all fear and bondage, He always protects me because I am His daughter. My heart cries out, "Abba, Daddy, Papa, Father." because I am His child - I am His princess, His royalty, called into the kingdom for eternity - privileged enough to share in His sufferings and also His glory [ I choose Him everyday because He is the greatest love I will ever know ] my soul has found the love its been looking for, my heart has found the truth that makes it beat, my mind has found its victory, my eyes have found the beauty of His gaze, my hand has caught His, my feet have found a path, every single part of me has found its worth, its home, its maker, its true love - I am loved by a man that died for me, a man that chose me, a man that saved me, a man that made me, a man that has eternity in the palm of His  hand… A man that is my Father.   | Romans 8:15-17 |  

m i g h t y lover of my SOUL 

my life i devote before your feet 

I LAY IT ALL DOWN 

my heart spills over the oils of affection i cannot contain

i lay it all down - lay it all down

to the one who paid it all 

my heart hears the cries of my Fathers…

my mind and my flesh drown out His voice 

\\ constant battle \\

the war is won 

my God     my Joy     my Savior

there has never been a time when you've ever failed me

there has never been a time when you've let me down