broken.

Well, its been quite a while since I have blogged last, and I must say, I miss it. Over the past 2 years so much has happened, so much has changed, and its all gone by so fast. Our culture is so future oriented, already setting up decorations for Christmas (which isn't bad at all!) or talking about things that will happen in 2020, its easy to think ahead, wonder about whats next, worry about the unknown. I want to be someone to keep dreaming while remembering to remain in the present, knowing that I can't control what will happen but I can trust the one who is paving the way. Its hard to do nowadays. There is this pressure that we need to know what to do, when Jesus is simply saying to each person individually, "follow me, its a unique and specific journey that I have just for you".


The past couple months have been rough with the transition of getting back from Nepal, summer vacations and trips, and then getting settled back into Knoxville after being gone for 2 years - its been overwhelming. Its so easy to lose sight of why the Lord has us exactly where we are, but He always reminds us of who He is. He is a God that leads and guides - a God full of promises - a God who is so detailed that He wouldn't bring us somewhere to just leave us dry - a God who won't leave us all alone - a God who won't let us walk a road alone - His love is every moment of every day, a l w a y s. 


Last night as I was driving home I was listening to a song called This Love by Housefires ll, I had heard the song before, but this time I listened to it was different. It was like I felt the Lord singing it over me - singing about His love for me every moment of the day, so simple! His love doesn't change according to our feelings. Every single day this love is the only perfect love that will keep relentlessly pursuing no matter how much we hurt, no matter what we do, no matter how much we push it away. It literally doesn't make sense! Each time He reminds me of His love I ask why, though I know I will never fully understand it. He is way bigger than any box we put Him in, and He is so gentle at reminding us. He takes us in, and He lifts us up. 

Psalm 73:25-26

 "Whom have I in heaven but you? 

And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail,

 but God is the strength of my heart 

and my portion forever."

He isn't afraid of the place that we are at. He isn't afraid of what the enemy might try to throw at us. He isn't worried about what our past looked like - or about what lies ahead. Its simple. His love is real, and His love is for us. 

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end - Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." 

Isaiah  43:1-4

Even when we feel like we are a mess, when we feel like we are running in circles, 

He has a bigger and better plan - trust that He knows what He is doing. 

He makes all things new, and all things beautiful. 

the great shepherd.

I was looking through my journal today flipping through pages of the past couple months, reminiscing on how faithful the Lord has been, remembering all the things He has taught me….I found quite a few common themes, but the one that stuck out the most is one that is so relevant to the season I am in right now. I find myself saying "Abba, lead me and I will follow, guide me and show me the way." Philippians 3 has been my desperate heart cry.

Psalm 23

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 

    

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

 

    

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

   

 for his name's sake.

 

Even though I walk through the valley 

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil

   

for you are with me;

 

 

  your rod and your staff,

    

they comfort me.

 

You prepare a table before me

 

 

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

    

my cup overflows.

 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

    

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever."

   

Shepherd. He is the great Shepherd. I look to Him for satisfaction and fulfillment. I look to Him for all that I need. He RESTORES my soul. Its so easy to think we can try to do it in our own strength, but He is always just there saying, "Look to Me, come to Me, focus on Me, its so much harder doing it on your own, trust Me." 

John 15:4 says, "Abide in Me, and I in you.

 As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, 

unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you,

 unless you abide in Me." 

The word ABIDE  means to remain. 

Ive been asking Abba what it looks like to remain in Him. 

He deserves so much more! He DESERVES so much more.

What does it look like to embrace Him? To receive all that He has? 

To love Him in the way He deserves? To abide in Him? 

What does it look like to give all that we have just to KNOW Him?

What if all it took was surrendering ourselves and giving Him time everyday?

He gives everlasting love, never-ending joy, FREEDOM, the FULLNESS of life...

Is He worth it to you? 

Im broken and running - seeking the one I love

I am desperate to be in the garden of my beloved - 

Looking to the violent love You offer,

I just want to know you - I long for you.

Your the only one that brings me peace.

Ill keep singing HALLELUJAH.

 

he restores my soul.

value     praise    WORTHINESS    glory    blessing    t h a n k s g i v i n g    majesty 

                 

  ….belongs to the King, the only one that is found worthy. 

Show me the DEEP DEEP layers of glory and praise that you,

 O Majesty, deserve. 

THE radiance of your divine BEAUTY 

has captured my gaze.

Staffing this DTS has been so busy and stretching but so incredible. Im constantly in awe of the strength, grace, and faithfulness Abba continually pours out. Living in a community of people all earnestly thirsting for more of God is so encouraging and refreshing. Getting poured into by others and also being able to pour out… He is faithful forever - caring and kind - loving and forgiving - He is a home for people without one, a safe place for people who are scared. He is a never ending ladder of hope. His anger lasts only a second but His love overwhelms. He is so good!! 

because I am made in the image of my maker, my spirit is lead by Him. because I am His beloved little girl He takes away all fear and bondage, He always protects me because I am His daughter. My heart cries out, "Abba, Daddy, Papa, Father." because I am His child - I am His princess, His royalty, called into the kingdom for eternity - privileged enough to share in His sufferings and also His glory [ I choose Him everyday because He is the greatest love I will ever know ] my soul has found the love its been looking for, my heart has found the truth that makes it beat, my mind has found its victory, my eyes have found the beauty of His gaze, my hand has caught His, my feet have found a path, every single part of me has found its worth, its home, its maker, its true love - I am loved by a man that died for me, a man that chose me, a man that saved me, a man that made me, a man that has eternity in the palm of His  hand… A man that is my Father.   | Romans 8:15-17 |  

m i g h t y lover of my SOUL 

my life i devote before your feet 

I LAY IT ALL DOWN 

my heart spills over the oils of affection i cannot contain

i lay it all down - lay it all down

to the one who paid it all 

my heart hears the cries of my Fathers…

my mind and my flesh drown out His voice 

\\ constant battle \\

the war is won 

my God     my Joy     my Savior

there has never been a time when you've ever failed me

there has never been a time when you've let me down

holiness.

HOLINESS 

 faith.obedience.constant meditation.desperation.
loving righteousness.hating iniquity.                              

Surrendering my own selfish desires, my own opinion, other peoples opinion for the sake of being more like Jesus. I have so much to say on this subject and so much that the Lord is doing in my heart - I haven't felt it in my heart to share my own words about this but that of the quotes below - I believe someone will be encouraged by this today.

“One of the main motivations for obedience is the pleasure of God. If we, in a well-intentioned effort to celebrate the unimpeachable nature of our justification, make it sound as though God no longer concerns himself with our sins, we’ll put a choke on our full-throttle drive to holiness. God is our heavenly Father. He has adopted us by his grace. He will always love his true children. But if we are his true children we will also love to please him. It will be our delight to delight in him and know that he is delighting in us.” -Desiring God

"Arise, my soul, arise; shake off thy guilty fears; the bleeding sacrifice in my behalf appears: before the throne my surety stands, my name is written on His hands. My God is reconciled; His pardoning voice I hear: He owns me for His child; I can no longer fear: with confidence I now draw nigh, and "Father, Abba, Father," cry." -Charles Wesley 

 

GRACE. "Grace takes its rise far back in the heart of God, in the awful and incomprehensible abyss of His holy being; but the channel through which it flows out to men is JESUS CHRIST, crucified and risen. - The apostle Paul, who beyond all others is the exponent of grace in redemption, never disassociates God's grace from God's crucified son."


"Thou hidden love of God, whose height, whose depth unfathomed, no man knows, inly I sigh for Thy repose; My heart is pained, nor can it be, at rest till it finds rest in Thee."

[ rest my heart - AWAKE MY SOUL

You make me come alive

I ask myself who You are,

who is this God that keeps pursuing

 the deepest parts of my heart?

I want to KNOW Him - 

no hinderances. no reservations

do what you want to do, Lord.

I want to know my groom

pierce my heart

show me how to love 

release me from myself ]

violent love.

LOVE.

This word gets thrown around so loosely these days. Love. Its the very reason we were created. We love because He first loved us. He loved us enough to create us to have relationship with Him. He loved us enough to send His one and only son to DIE for us. Jesus loved us enough to humble himself , to die the most painful excrutiating death there ever could be….JUST FOR US. How does this concept even make sense? That we don't have to do anything to earn His love or make Him love us more… but that He loves us right here, right now, with a love that is everlasting. The fact that we get to partner with Him in the things He is doing and He trusts us enough to give us His heart, to tell us what His heart is beating for, breaking for, rejoicing for. Even when we don't understand, He gives us the peace that passes all understanding. 

Psalm 42: 1-2

 "As a deer pants for streams of water,

 so my soul pants for you, O God. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God." 

He is coming back for His beloved ones. He is not stopping the fight. He is in relentless pursuit of the reason He created the world.  He is love. The Alpha and the Omega. Beginning and the end. Everlasting. Jehovah. Yeshua. Abba Father. Holy and Righteous. Perfect and just. Almighty and All-powerful. Eternal. Creator. Emmanuel. Faithful. Good. Savior. LOVE. 

"This, this is the God we adore, our faithful, unchangeable Friend, whose love is as great as His power, and neither knows measure nor end. Tis Jesus, the first and the last, whose spirit shall guide us safe home; we'll praise Him for all that is past and trust Him for all that's to come." -Joseph Hart  

My flesh will be the death of me

My sin engulfs me - I'm drowning

>> I AM DRY BONES WITHOUT YOU<<

Your love gives me fuel, 

It makes me come alive - PURITY

Set me free from the chains of sin

Make my heart anew

|| RECREATE ME ||

Rid me of my selfish desires

HOPE ABOUNDING

Ive tasted and seen of the beauty

Nothing else matters

My heart is focused and set on the

Unconditional love I've found

|| LOVER of my SOUL ||

May thankfulness and praise
 never cease from my lips.

He is worthy.