holiness.

HOLINESS 

 faith.obedience.constant meditation.desperation.
loving righteousness.hating iniquity.                              

Surrendering my own selfish desires, my own opinion, other peoples opinion for the sake of being more like Jesus. I have so much to say on this subject and so much that the Lord is doing in my heart - I haven't felt it in my heart to share my own words about this but that of the quotes below - I believe someone will be encouraged by this today.

“One of the main motivations for obedience is the pleasure of God. If we, in a well-intentioned effort to celebrate the unimpeachable nature of our justification, make it sound as though God no longer concerns himself with our sins, we’ll put a choke on our full-throttle drive to holiness. God is our heavenly Father. He has adopted us by his grace. He will always love his true children. But if we are his true children we will also love to please him. It will be our delight to delight in him and know that he is delighting in us.” -Desiring God

"Arise, my soul, arise; shake off thy guilty fears; the bleeding sacrifice in my behalf appears: before the throne my surety stands, my name is written on His hands. My God is reconciled; His pardoning voice I hear: He owns me for His child; I can no longer fear: with confidence I now draw nigh, and "Father, Abba, Father," cry." -Charles Wesley 

 

GRACE. "Grace takes its rise far back in the heart of God, in the awful and incomprehensible abyss of His holy being; but the channel through which it flows out to men is JESUS CHRIST, crucified and risen. - The apostle Paul, who beyond all others is the exponent of grace in redemption, never disassociates God's grace from God's crucified son."


"Thou hidden love of God, whose height, whose depth unfathomed, no man knows, inly I sigh for Thy repose; My heart is pained, nor can it be, at rest till it finds rest in Thee."

[ rest my heart - AWAKE MY SOUL

You make me come alive

I ask myself who You are,

who is this God that keeps pursuing

 the deepest parts of my heart?

I want to KNOW Him - 

no hinderances. no reservations

do what you want to do, Lord.

I want to know my groom

pierce my heart

show me how to love 

release me from myself ]

violent love.

LOVE.

This word gets thrown around so loosely these days. Love. Its the very reason we were created. We love because He first loved us. He loved us enough to create us to have relationship with Him. He loved us enough to send His one and only son to DIE for us. Jesus loved us enough to humble himself , to die the most painful excrutiating death there ever could be….JUST FOR US. How does this concept even make sense? That we don't have to do anything to earn His love or make Him love us more… but that He loves us right here, right now, with a love that is everlasting. The fact that we get to partner with Him in the things He is doing and He trusts us enough to give us His heart, to tell us what His heart is beating for, breaking for, rejoicing for. Even when we don't understand, He gives us the peace that passes all understanding. 

Psalm 42: 1-2

 "As a deer pants for streams of water,

 so my soul pants for you, O God. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God." 

He is coming back for His beloved ones. He is not stopping the fight. He is in relentless pursuit of the reason He created the world.  He is love. The Alpha and the Omega. Beginning and the end. Everlasting. Jehovah. Yeshua. Abba Father. Holy and Righteous. Perfect and just. Almighty and All-powerful. Eternal. Creator. Emmanuel. Faithful. Good. Savior. LOVE. 

"This, this is the God we adore, our faithful, unchangeable Friend, whose love is as great as His power, and neither knows measure nor end. Tis Jesus, the first and the last, whose spirit shall guide us safe home; we'll praise Him for all that is past and trust Him for all that's to come." -Joseph Hart  

My flesh will be the death of me

My sin engulfs me - I'm drowning

>> I AM DRY BONES WITHOUT YOU<<

Your love gives me fuel, 

It makes me come alive - PURITY

Set me free from the chains of sin

Make my heart anew

|| RECREATE ME ||

Rid me of my selfish desires

HOPE ABOUNDING

Ive tasted and seen of the beauty

Nothing else matters

My heart is focused and set on the

Unconditional love I've found

|| LOVER of my SOUL ||

May thankfulness and praise
 never cease from my lips.

He is worthy. 

All I want is Jesus.

If worship is like perfume, Ill pour mine out on you.

I feel so incredibly blessed today. I just feel the presence and love of God all around me. There really is no place I would rather be than right here with Jesus, getting to praise him daily surrounded by people who are longing for the same thing. God has really been giving me a revelation of worship. John 4:23 says, "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." I want to worship in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. He must become greater and I must become less! Ive been asking the Lord what it looks like to empty my soul at his feet and I keep getting the word surrender. 
I belong to Him. I surrender my life to His will. 

Hebrews 12:28 tells us how to worship. "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." 

Worship in spirit and truth, in complete reverence and awe, 

coming into His presence in thankfulness. 

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:8-11

This verse is bringing me to my knees. Bringing me to a place of worship, a place of emptying my soul at the feet of Jesus. Surrendering everything to Him because He is worthy, because I want SO MUCH MORE OF HIM.

 I want to be swept away, lost in love with Him. His love makes it worth it all. 

Its so humbling how undeserving we are, yet He answers our prayers, speaks to us, and blesses us. Im amazed by his faithfulness and goodness. 

I am lovesick for my beloved.

Sweet Desperation.

How undeserving I am of anything yet He loves me with an everlasting love and tells me that I am beautiful, that I am worthy of His love.

I guess there is no other way to start than by saying that I need Jesus, I am so completely desperate for Him. The past few weeks have been so crazy. I took a step of faith in obedience by coming back to Kona, Hawaii to be in a program called Awakening Track. Its a 3 month leadership program where we get pushed, stretched, and taken out of our comfort zone...In a good way! Following the track, I will be on staff of a discipleship training school called Engage. The school is 6 months long, the first 3 months will be a time of training and growing and the last 3 months I will be leading a team to a different country. 

I was asking the Lord what this season was going to look like for me and He gave me a vision. In the vision I was in outer space, with all these stars around me (recently stars have kept coming up at random times, I looked up the meaning of my middle name, Elaine, the other day and it means "shining light" which made me realize how symbolic stars are in my life.. Ive always loved stars) and I saw myself entering this tunnel, at the end of this tunnel was a bigger part of his heart that He hadn't yet revealed to me and God told me that I was entering a season of deep intimacy with him, understanding and getting to know even more of His heart and who He is.

Im in a place of SWEET DESPERATION. A place of recognizing how much I need Him. A place of being at the feet of Jesus in awe of who He is and what He did for me. I keep asking God to show me what satisfaction and true fulfillment is.... He is so faithful in His promises! Im so desperate for Him and through that desperation, He POURS His love on me. Ive also been praying that God would put blinders on my eyes. That I wouldn't look left or right but that I would look straight ahead, keeping my eyes focused on Him. Im starting to truly understand what purity is and that Jesus died to marry me. He died so I could be pure. He died and washed it all away. He died to carry my burdens. Im continually amazed by how faithful Abba is. How undeserving I am of anything yet He loves me with an everlasting love and tells me that I am beautiful, that I am worthy of His love. He humbled himself, came to earth as a man, and died for us! Lord, I want humility like that! 

Psalm 27:13-14

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living,

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."

Satisfaction.

Satisfaction... contentment, fulfillment, pleasure. I just want God. I want the fullness of Him. Its my desire, what I hunger and thirst for. I find myself saying or asking for things that I "need". Ive been praying and asking God what it means to be satisfied with Him. 

I love David. I love how raw and real David is with God. How David truly seeks God and wrestles with Him, cries out to Him, and has a radical zeal for Him. Psalm 63 is such a beautiful passage of wanting complete satisfaction in God. 

Satisfaction is the REWARD of repentance, and is the holy reward for righteous behavior. God's greatest commandment is to love... not to be satisfied. Satisfaction is self-centered. Love is selfless, and self-sacrificing. Our love gives God glory, and in return we are satisfied... He gives us satisfaction. Today I went to Panera for breakfast with a friend and as I was walking up, there was a man sitting outside talking to himself with scabs all over his forehead. Someone passed by him and said something in a harsh tone and before I knew it I was standing in front of the man sitting there. I asked him if he would like some coffee or something to eat and his eyes lit up... He wanted a donut, but since we weren't at Krispy Kreme, I got him the closest thing to a donut... A cinnamon crunch bagel. I brought it out to him along with the coffee and he was so thankful. As I was walking back into Panera I got a sudden rush of satisfaction. God used me to show His love to a stranger. God used me to bless someones day. Not only was that man blessed,

 but I was blessed just as much as him. 

In Isaiah 55:2-3 God gives an invitation. He also states a promise. "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are blessed, the nature of hunger and thirst turn into satisfaction. Jesus promises satisfaction to those who simply hunger for God. (Matthew 5:6) Jesus says "THEY WILL BE FILLED." 

Hebrews 11:6 "And without FAITH it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he REWARDS those who earnestly seek him." 

Psalm 17:15 "And I- in RIGHTEOUSNESS I will see your face; when I awake, I will be SATISFIED with seeing your likeness."

Seeking Him, striving for holiness and righteousness leads to satisfaction. He is a father that loves to bless His children.

Im continually blown away and amazed by His goodness, faithfulness, and His unending love. 

Simplicity.

I want to be so overwhelmed with thankfulness that my thankfulness to Him never ever ceases.

Isn't it funny how sometimes The Lord takes what your doing and completely turns it around to what you didn't expect? Last night I was sitting in my kitchen talking to my dad, getting wisdom and advice from him and all of a sudden The Lord completely overwhelmed me with His faithfulness. I sat there weeping because of how much God has blessed me. I think back over this summer to how many times I was praying for something or asking God to give me answers and every prayer I thought of, God had, in some way answered my prayers. That might seem cliche to say because ya know, God answers prayers but.... How many times was I on my face in thankfulness? I can think of a few times. I want to be so overwhelmed with thankfulness that my thankfulness to Him never ever ceases. God really humbled me as I sat there weeping... even through my selfishness and pride the Lord loves me the same and remains faithful. 

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him." Daniel 9:9

 Its incredible that we even GET to serve a God like that! He owes me nothing, I deserve hell, He owes me nothing, yet He has given me mercy. He has given me grace. He has give me LIFE. Every time I have been worshipping recently the phrase that keeps coming up is "He is worthy." I repeat it over and over again "Father, you are so WORTHY." Those simple words remind me of how SIMPLE the gospel is. The gospel is simplicity. Believe in the simplicity of Christ!! He named himself salvation because He lives inside of us! Heaven is real because Jesus is the door, the gate, and the ladder. God has also been giving me a revelation recently about prayer. Its not about the length of the prayer! We simply just need to have faith that He will do what He has promised! Our God doesn't ignore pain and suffering.. He brings RESURRECTION. 

"For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end. He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." Daniel 8:26-27

I am learning a lot about trust in this season. I have been told thousands of times in church that Gods timing is perfect... but there is so much truth to that statement. I will get so frustrated and impatient, and I feel like God is just chuckling... because every time I do start to feel in over my head he says "Daughter, remember that I have everything in control. I will never fail you." SIMPLICITY. Out of His INCREDIBLE love for us, we get to have relationship with him! Our own personal relationship with him, and He speaks to us! "My sheep hear my voice..." I am in awe, once again, with how amazing He is. 

He is faithful to the end.

INTENTIONAL.

in·ten·tion·al  

/inˈtenCHənl/

Adjective Done on purpose; deliberate.

Synonyms deliberate - wilful - willful - purposeful - intended

This word has come up so many times in the past few months. Ive always used this word, but never really in depth though about what it means. 

What does it mean to live intentionally? What does that look like?

John 15

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear MORE fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. ABIDE in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it ABIDES in the vine, neither can you, unless you ABIDE in me.... If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my JOY may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 

Holy cow. That passage is blowing my mind. When I asked God what it means to be intentional this is the passage He gave me. When we are walking in obedience to Him, there is fullness of joy. From that comes the word ABIDE. To abide means to continue in a daily, personal relationship with Jesus characterized by trust, prayer, obedience, and joy. I love that word, its such a beautiful way Jesus uses to explain our relationship with Him. When we are abiding in Him, we are being intentional. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." It seems impossible to love some people in our lives just as Jesus has loved us... but we cant do it on our own. 

The Father gives us an overflow of His love which is INTENDED for us to pour out to others, no matter who it is. 

When I first got to Kyrgyzstan, I was a bit shocked to say the least. I sat down on my mattress on the ground (I was so thankful I even got to have a mattress!) in the little white room I shared with 2 other girls on my team and I just cried out to the Lord. I started to ask myself the questions, "What am I doing here?" and "What have I gotten myself into?" I was in the middle of nowhere, without any of my friends or family, I had no comforts that I had ever known, and I started to feel anger inside me. Then the Lord said to me... "Gracie, My Daughter, have I ever failed you?" and I said in a small voice "....no" and He said, "Do you trust me?" "Well, yes Lord I do..." He said, 

"I didn't bring you here to command you to do something then drop you off and just leave you! I brought you here to be with you wherever you go! I brought you here to continue this love story I am writing, I brought you here to LOVE YOU and for you to love others!" 

What He said moved me, touched my heart in a way ill never forget. It brought me comfort in a time and place where I felt alone. Thinking back on that, meditating on what He said to me makes me realize how intentional He is. It motivates me to want to be so much more like Him. Ive been asking the Lord to strip me of everything that isn't pleasing and glorifying to Him, and He is definitely doing it. When I read in the gospels about Jesus on this earth, He went everywhere with an intention. He was so intentional with asking the Father what He wanted to do, who He wanted to bless, who He wanted to save, or heal, or bring joy. 

What does God want to do today? What does He want to do RIGHT NOW? In Luke 12:25 it says "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" I want to BE PRESENT. There is no need to worry about the future because I know my Father has it in control. I want to be intentional because everything that I have, has been given to me by my Father. What if wherever we went during our busy days we took 1 minute to show kindness to someone. What about 5 minutes? 1 hour? Time is so precious to people these days but God has BLESSED us with another day to LIVE!!!! There will NEVER  be a time that Jesus says, "Shame on you for blessing that person..." What if we took every chance we could to be intentional by asking God what He wants to do?

Ephesians 4:2-3

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the band of peace."

We GET to serve the most amazing, gentle, patient, 

loving, indescribable God. He loves us with a love 

that is everlasting. I am so humbled by the 

faithfulness and grace that God has for us. I feel so 

thankful and privileged right now for the freedom 

given to me to serve Him. I stand in awe of how 

incredibly WORTHY He is. 

He is so WORTHY.

I cant believe I'm so privileged, that out of His kindness and His hospitality, He would actually tell me what is on His heart. He invited me into partnership... joy filled, intimacy fueled partnership with Him, 

to see His glory fill this earth.

The past 6 months have been the most challenging, stretching, and busy months of my life! For those of you who don't know, I just graduated from a Discipleship Training School with an organization called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). For 3 months I was in Kona, Hawaii learning so much more about God, about myself and becoming who I was called to be. For the last 3 months I was in Kyrgyzstan which is in Central Asia living in a village with 6 others from my team. I learned so much about God's heart, His faithfulness, and fully trusting Him with everything. I lived with a family that I became so close to... and leaving them literally felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. The love that God gave me for that family was only a tiny glimpse of what God's love truly is.

 I cant even fathom how much love He has for us. 

Being back home has definitely been a different transition. My own bed, a toilet, a shower, free time. [I almost forgot what free time was.] Im so incredibly thankful. Im so blessed to be spending this time with such amazing, supportive family and friends. But there isn't a day that goes by that my amazing friends from Hawaii and my friends and family in Kyrgyzstan don't pop into my head or in my prayers. I am so privileged, blessed, and forever changed by that experience. 

Thankful is an understatement.

           Deuteronomy 33:12 

"Let the BELOVED of the Lord rest secure in Him, 

for He shields him all day long, 

and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders."

Ive surrendered, Ive tasted for myself the goodness of the Lord. BUT it is a daily choice! Every single day I have to surrender my own rights and thoughts because I want more of Him and less of me. The old has gone and the new has come. I will CHOOSE to walk in that daily and to walk in who I am as a daughter of the Most High King. 

Walking hand in hand with Him each day.

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, 

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

This is a season of trusting Him. Trusting Him in everything. Trusting that He will show me what is next. Trusting that He will provide. He is so incredibly faithful! 

 "The more I seek Him, 

the more I find Him. 

The more I find Him,

 the more I love Him."

my soul sings.

The Father dreams
                          Jesus speaks
                                          The Holy spirit creates a path for me.

Im just now getting used to living in Hawaii and Im only weeks away from leaving here to live in Central Asia for almost 3 months! I cant say specifically where for safety reasons but you can email me at gecarroll27@gmail.com for more information. God is so amazing. In my frustration, hurt, and sadness the Lord is always faithful! He always seems to calm me down and surround me with His peace. During this time I have fallen so in love with God, my Father who loves me completely and desires an intimate relationship with me. Ive learned so much about God and about myself. I wake up declaring that I will stand firm in the Lord. Walking in obedience to Him and always having a spirit of thankfulness. Im always longing for more of Him, more of His love, more of His presence. 

My life has completely transformed in the last 6 months. I look back on what my life was and all the worldly desires I thought were important... Then I look at my life now, the never-ending joy I have found, the everlasting love getting poured on me everyday... A love story that is being written. There is so much to be thankful for! HE SAVED ME. It is in HIS presence that I find rest. Ive truly been freed from my past, Ive take back all the territory in my life that Satan had a hold of for so long. 

I am a daughter of a loving Father who has been fighting for me all of my life. He has been fighting for me and He hasn't stopped. He's never quit fighting for me. 

God keeps His promises! "THE LORD HIMSELF WILL FIGHT FOR YOU." Exodus 14:14 Whether or not we feel him, we have to trust His promises. He will never fail us. 

Ezekiel 36

I will sprinkle clean water on you,

and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses

and from all your idols I will cleanse you.

And I will give you a NEW heart and a NEW spirit

I will put within you.

And I will remove the heart of stone from your 

flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

And I will put my spirit within you,

and cause you to walk in my statutes 

and be careful to obey all my rules...

I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. 

 hitch hiking in hawaii

 my lovely room mates and i on the other side of the island

 the view from my classroom 

the 24 hour prayer room...JOY.

The Father's Consistency.

Goodness, I am into my third week here in Kona, Hawaii. Its so crazy that I call this place home right now. So much has happened since Ive been here so I wont go into detail about everything. I guess I will start off with how I know this is where Im suppose to be. God has anointed me in THIS season of my life! The journey has just started, and I have so much more time to grow. 3 months will fly by sooner than I thought. The first week I was here we learned about hearing the voice of God, the second week was about the nature and characteristics of God and this week we are learning all about Jesus and being radically obedient.  

God absolutely amazes me. The fact that I am in a school for 6 months with no other plans than to get to fall in love with Him more and more everyday is such a blessing. God is showing me SO much of his faithfulness and His consistency. This past week we had a speaker named David Gava. He is very prophetic and such an awesome man of God. On friday, the last day that he was speaking, our class just had a time of worship and prayer. David was praying and prophetically speaking over us as well as our staff. It was just a time to surrender to God and listen to what he was trying to say to us. So after worshipping for a while I just started talking to God. My leader asked the class to raise your hand if you hadnt been prayed for. So I did. I stood there and told God that I didnt want anyone to come up to me and pray for me just because I hadnt been prayed for yet. I wanted God to speak to me. So I waited for God. I also waited to see if David would pray for me. Nothing happened. I decided to leave because I didnt want to wait in a line to be prayed over and maybe prophetically spoken over. I left and went to the 24 hour prayer room we have on campus and just started praying. I started weeping, and I found myself almost mad at God. I was asking myself all these questions as to why I felt so mad, sad, and stressed. All the emotions just building up. I stopped, started praying, and God gave me just what I needed. 

A revelation of his LOVE. 

A revelation of his FAITHFULNESS. 

A revelation of his CONSISTENCY. 

All of my past relationships have been emotional high and low roller coasters. In this time of learning and growing God doesnt want me to have all these spiritual highs and lows, he just wants me to know and understand that His love and faithfulness is ALWAYS consistent. God is teaching me to praise Him during the struggles. To cry out to HIM. For so long I have depended on other people with my struggles, when something would go wrong I would immediately call a friend. God wants me to trust and depend on HIM. I had asked Him for a revelation of His love, and only did I realize a few hours later, thats what He gave me! Im still learning how God speaks to me. 

So today I get a package in the mail. I had been expecting 2 packages from my mother. So I got this one today with random stuff in it like easy mac, instant coffee, a Jesus Calling book, homemade cookies, and a few other things. So as Im eating one of the cookies, I call my mom to thank her....... My mom didnt send any of those things. I look in the package again and find a letter from someone that says "Dear Gracie, You dont know me personally but my sons have been involved in YWAM which was such a blessing, I want to return that blessing in some way by giving you a package of things you might use while you are there. Please email me another person from engage dts I can send a care package to!" WHAAAAAT??? There was no return address, no name, just an email address. What a blessing from God! His faithfulness is amazing. I found myself weeping today during worship just because I am realizing how beautiful He is. 

How much He loves me. 

How much He cares. 

He has given me such joy. 

This love is so deep, 

Its more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace,

Its overwhelming.

Im all in.

This week has been so crazy. Im sorry for not getting a blog posted earlier but I have been so busy! With Thanksgiving and Christmas and preparing to come to Kona, Ive had my hands full. The Lord is revealing so many things to me. In this time of just getting here, meeting so many new people, living in a new place.... its all amazing. But the Lord is really just telling me to be with Him. To stop worrying about meeting new friends and getting to know everyone, but to just stop and spend time with Him. His presence here amazes me! Truly He is showing me that in this 6 months, its gonna be awesome and fun but the most important part about this time is spending time with God. Just soaking up His presence. Its so easy for me to sit at dinner and complain about the food, or complain about sharing 1 bathroom with 7 girls, but... That is what I should be thanking Him for! Thanking Him for giving me this opportunity, thanking Him because He has this under control. Thanking Him for loving me when I have sinned. Its a privilege to be here. To be in community. Just being here, God has transformed my thoughts. I JUST WANT MORE OF HIM. I long for more and more. There is a 24 hour prayer room here which has been such a blessing. Ive only been here 2 days and it feels like an entire week. Probably because I'm trying to adjust to the time change but wow, Ive had some long days. Im just so thankful to be here. I keep worrying about when to do this and that and Abba is just like, "Daughter, Ive got this...and I love you, come spend time with me." SO GOOD! 

"God, you did everything you promised, 

and I'm thanking you with all my heart,

You pulled me from the brink of death, 

my feet from the cliff-edge of doom. 

Now I stroll at leisure with God

in the sunlit fields of life."

I fall more and more in love with the Lord everyday.