All I want is Jesus.

If worship is like perfume, Ill pour mine out on you.

I feel so incredibly blessed today. I just feel the presence and love of God all around me. There really is no place I would rather be than right here with Jesus, getting to praise him daily surrounded by people who are longing for the same thing. God has really been giving me a revelation of worship. John 4:23 says, "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." I want to worship in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. He must become greater and I must become less! Ive been asking the Lord what it looks like to empty my soul at his feet and I keep getting the word surrender. 
I belong to Him. I surrender my life to His will. 

Hebrews 12:28 tells us how to worship. "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." 

Worship in spirit and truth, in complete reverence and awe, 

coming into His presence in thankfulness. 

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:8-11

This verse is bringing me to my knees. Bringing me to a place of worship, a place of emptying my soul at the feet of Jesus. Surrendering everything to Him because He is worthy, because I want SO MUCH MORE OF HIM.

 I want to be swept away, lost in love with Him. His love makes it worth it all. 

Its so humbling how undeserving we are, yet He answers our prayers, speaks to us, and blesses us. Im amazed by his faithfulness and goodness. 

I am lovesick for my beloved.

Sweet Desperation.

How undeserving I am of anything yet He loves me with an everlasting love and tells me that I am beautiful, that I am worthy of His love.

I guess there is no other way to start than by saying that I need Jesus, I am so completely desperate for Him. The past few weeks have been so crazy. I took a step of faith in obedience by coming back to Kona, Hawaii to be in a program called Awakening Track. Its a 3 month leadership program where we get pushed, stretched, and taken out of our comfort zone...In a good way! Following the track, I will be on staff of a discipleship training school called Engage. The school is 6 months long, the first 3 months will be a time of training and growing and the last 3 months I will be leading a team to a different country. 

I was asking the Lord what this season was going to look like for me and He gave me a vision. In the vision I was in outer space, with all these stars around me (recently stars have kept coming up at random times, I looked up the meaning of my middle name, Elaine, the other day and it means "shining light" which made me realize how symbolic stars are in my life.. Ive always loved stars) and I saw myself entering this tunnel, at the end of this tunnel was a bigger part of his heart that He hadn't yet revealed to me and God told me that I was entering a season of deep intimacy with him, understanding and getting to know even more of His heart and who He is.

Im in a place of SWEET DESPERATION. A place of recognizing how much I need Him. A place of being at the feet of Jesus in awe of who He is and what He did for me. I keep asking God to show me what satisfaction and true fulfillment is.... He is so faithful in His promises! Im so desperate for Him and through that desperation, He POURS His love on me. Ive also been praying that God would put blinders on my eyes. That I wouldn't look left or right but that I would look straight ahead, keeping my eyes focused on Him. Im starting to truly understand what purity is and that Jesus died to marry me. He died so I could be pure. He died and washed it all away. He died to carry my burdens. Im continually amazed by how faithful Abba is. How undeserving I am of anything yet He loves me with an everlasting love and tells me that I am beautiful, that I am worthy of His love. He humbled himself, came to earth as a man, and died for us! Lord, I want humility like that! 

Psalm 27:13-14

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living,

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."