Sweet Desperation.

How undeserving I am of anything yet He loves me with an everlasting love and tells me that I am beautiful, that I am worthy of His love.

I guess there is no other way to start than by saying that I need Jesus, I am so completely desperate for Him. The past few weeks have been so crazy. I took a step of faith in obedience by coming back to Kona, Hawaii to be in a program called Awakening Track. Its a 3 month leadership program where we get pushed, stretched, and taken out of our comfort zone...In a good way! Following the track, I will be on staff of a discipleship training school called Engage. The school is 6 months long, the first 3 months will be a time of training and growing and the last 3 months I will be leading a team to a different country. 

I was asking the Lord what this season was going to look like for me and He gave me a vision. In the vision I was in outer space, with all these stars around me (recently stars have kept coming up at random times, I looked up the meaning of my middle name, Elaine, the other day and it means "shining light" which made me realize how symbolic stars are in my life.. Ive always loved stars) and I saw myself entering this tunnel, at the end of this tunnel was a bigger part of his heart that He hadn't yet revealed to me and God told me that I was entering a season of deep intimacy with him, understanding and getting to know even more of His heart and who He is.

Im in a place of SWEET DESPERATION. A place of recognizing how much I need Him. A place of being at the feet of Jesus in awe of who He is and what He did for me. I keep asking God to show me what satisfaction and true fulfillment is.... He is so faithful in His promises! Im so desperate for Him and through that desperation, He POURS His love on me. Ive also been praying that God would put blinders on my eyes. That I wouldn't look left or right but that I would look straight ahead, keeping my eyes focused on Him. Im starting to truly understand what purity is and that Jesus died to marry me. He died so I could be pure. He died and washed it all away. He died to carry my burdens. Im continually amazed by how faithful Abba is. How undeserving I am of anything yet He loves me with an everlasting love and tells me that I am beautiful, that I am worthy of His love. He humbled himself, came to earth as a man, and died for us! Lord, I want humility like that! 

Psalm 27:13-14

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living,

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."